Separate Beds, Separate Rooms?

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A few days ago I ran across an article titled “The Marriage Bed Undefiled” and was intrigued. If you want to read it the web address is: http://www.thepathoftruth.com/teachings/marriage-bed-undefiled-nocturnal-relationship-husband-wife.htm but here is the article in a nutshell.

Basically it discusses how the idea of sleeping in the same bed as your spouse had actually originated from a predominant pagan focus on sex. How in fact biblically it was not uncommon for “Christian” married couples to sleep in separate beds, sometimes separate homes, and on occasion even in separate towns in order to preserve the sanctity of marriage. It also discusses how many couples don't get decent sleep due to the sleeping patterns of their spouses, such as a difference in bed preference.

Now I know for my marriage this has been tiff point for my Tom and I for years. I like a soft bed he likes a hard one, I like the TV on he wants complete darkness, I get up repeatedly through the night, he steals the covers, I squirm in my sleep, the list goes on. So I decided to experiment and apply this principle. While Thomas was at work I devised a plan. We have four bedrooms, one for each of our girls, a guest room, and mine and Tom's shared room. They all got flipped. My youngest and I share a room since she is only 8 months old, my oldest got our full sized bed which she thought was the best present ever, and I got the soft twin mattress while Tom got the hard one from our guest room. Our office has become a child play room which my oldest can sleep in when we have guest therefore freeing the large bed for our company.

Now one would think after almost five years of sharing a bed this transition would have been difficult. But in fact it has become a blessing in disguise. At first when Tom came home he was in complete and utter shock. Of course his first reaction was to make sure I wasn't angry at him after all it looked as if he was being banished (I probably should have discussed it first). After showing him the article and explaining why I had done this and that it was only an experiment he at last seemed to settle on the idea. I don't think he wanted to look overjoyed but I could tell their was a release of tension in his shoulders at the idea of a good nights sleep. It has only been a few days but things are already beginning to improve.

For one Tom is refreshed when he gets up in the morning for work and in most cases I am rearing and ready to jump out of bed at 7:00 am at the latest rather than my usual lets drag out getting up until 10:00 depending on how late my daughters will actually let me get away with it. We are even spending more time together. Since we both head to bed at different times and don't just sit in our shared room all evening right next to each other we have been putting time aside to communicate and do things together. It has become quality time rather than quantity time. We are no longer arguing right before bed and best of all on nights when finding sleep is as scarce as a hens teeth we are not keeping each other up all night guaranteeing the others resentful attitude the next day which makes not arguing much easier.

This is not a statements saying that all couples should sleep in separate bedrooms, nor am I saying that the act of sleeping together is sinful, if it works for your marriage then by all means keep things the same. What I am saying is that as for me and my husband this has worked wonderfully. I might even go as far as to say it has begun the process of repairing our marriage. It is much easier to work out dysfunction with a clear and wakeful spirit rather than an exhausted one.

Photograph provided by http://www.983flyfm.com/deejay/2012/03/impossible-question-thursday-march-1st/